The First Boyfriend of John Egbert
by Sarahaku
Summary: A lot of people get nervous. A lot of people doubt themselves. And I'm like that. But my doubts are nowhere to be seen at exactly the wrong times. Someday I'll want to sky dive out of a plane and think I'll be perfectly fine not pulling out the parachute. And the voices of doubt weren't there when I got involved with him, just an "I told you so," to myself when things went wrong.
1. Stars

"Are you all set in here?" I looked up at the man at the door. I nodded.

"Yeah, Dad, it's all good," I said, pulling shirts out of a cardboard box and stuffing them into my newly-placed dresser. I finished, then collapsed the box and tossed it over onto a pile, inspecting my newly unpacked room. I stifled a yawn.

"Why don't you get some sleep, alright? You've got school tomorrow." I nodded.

"G'night, Dad."  
"Night, John."

I got dressed for bed and slipped down, staring up at the ceiling. I tossed and turned for a while. Honestly, I was kinda worried about school. I mean, my last school hadn't been too bad. I'd only had one friend, and got picked on a bit, but nothing too bad. But I considered myself lucky for having it that good then. I mean, I was worried by nature. If you could take the time to point out every star you saw in the sky, I could probably name a concern I have for every single one you pointed out for me.

It couldn't be that bad, I assured myself. Dad kept insisting he was sure I'd meet some new friends. But, that was like, his job or whatever. I sat up and turned on my phone, but Rose was already offline. With her not there, that really left nobody to talk to. I tossed my phone down next to me and lied back down with a flop, sighing and staring up at the ceiling again.

I hadn't been too averse to moving. I mean, there wasn't anything that great at my old school. Just Rose, and she had plenty of other friends. This house was bigger, and the school was supposedly "better." But I didn't know anybody who I would meet.

The problem with me, though, I'd learned, was that I was a bit dependent. I didn't have many friends and I latched onto them. Some I'd even successfully scared away in the past. Not to mention I easily got jealous, and worried myself all over again with my stupid insecurities. No matter who I met I would remind myself that I wasn't cool enough, or smart enough, or friendly enough and they would leave me.

But what I didn't know was I was going to meet someone that would help me quell my insecurities. They totally validated me, and it was nice.

I've never learned not to take risks.

When I was younger, one of the bigger kids bet me I couldn't climb to the top of the playground and stand on the supports on the top. So, I wanted to prove that I was cool or whatever. I should have had some sort of voice of reason that said "Now, wait a minute John. You could easily crack some ribs doing that." But if I did it kept very, very quiet. I climbed to the top easily. Kids gaped as I stood up, putting my hands out to balance. I grinned.

Then I tried to get down. And boy, did I get down. I tumbled off the playground and into the wood chips below. I ended up fracturing my leg and the kid that told me to do it ran for it like he was some sort of felon on the run. I had to spend an hour in the nurses room picking out all the splinter while I waited for my dad to come get me.

I didn't draw any parallels, despite subtle warnings, despite the voice of reason trying to tell me to hold on. I was excited, I wanted to be cool, and I wanted to let myself fall in love.

And damn, I didn't just fall. I got pushed, I hit my head on the slide and fell face first into the dirt. Then got left there for a bit. Then got dragged around in it.

Why don't I start from the beginning? Why don't I tell you about being the fifth lover of Dave Strider.


	2. Scared

**A:N/ I had the other story open while I wrote this, so you should find that the conversations draw parallels. ;D If**

* * *

I'm not really sure what to blame my nervousness on. I mean, maybe it was Rose, but probably not. Rose had been my best friend since second grade. My dad had to work nine to five, and Rose's mom worked from home, so I went over her house every day after school until dad got out of work. When we were younger, she liked to boss me around. As we got older bossing turned into manipulating. And somehow by high school it turned into her picking me apart and trying to help me get over my insecurities. Of course, her pointing them out didn't really help as much as she seemed to think it was going to.

My big problem according to Rose was that I didn't try to socialize enough. I had a few friends here and there, but none permanent like Rose. She herself had several friends between her new job at the bookstore in town, and in her classes. And it was much easier for rose to tell me to socialize than for me to actually walk up to someone and start a conversation.

Rose was constantly trying to introduce me to her friends. Sometimes she even tried to find me dates for dances and stuff, even though she knew there was nothing I'd rather do than try and impress some random friend of hers by dancing in a room of crowded people. Rose herself had been dating a girl she met at her job over the summer. And for me, well, the last time I kissed someone was at Rose's thirteenth birthday party during a game of truth or dare.

Well, maybe, I thought. Maybe I'll try being friendly at my new school. I mean, it couldn't be that bad. Maybe I'd make some friends. I didn't really have my hopes up. And usually when I expected something not to happen, it didn't. If I thought I was going to fail a test, there was a very good chance I'd fail it. If I thought that someone wasn't going to talk to me again despite that they said they would, it tended to be that way.

On the first day of school I mostly hung back in class like I knew I would, listening to the lessons and scribbling on the margins of my notebook. The classes droned on, and it was no more exciting that my last school. At lunch, I looked around. Half the tables were packed. I tried to look for a more empty table. I found a group in the corner of two boys on one side and a four girls on the other.

I forced myself to go over. "Hello! Mind if I sit here?" I dug my nails into the corners of my lunch tray as the tallest girl turned, the other girls that were talking to her quieting. She had on red sunglasses, making her a bit intimidating.

"Sup to Dave," she said, tilting her head towards one of the boys. I looked over. He was also wearing sunglasses, but they were a more normal type than the girl's. Jesus, did I just walk up to a gang or something?

"Sure," the blonde boy said. I sat down a bit away from him and tried a smile, though it probably looked ridiculous and overdone.

"Thanks!" I took a bite from my lunch, looking around, feeling a bit better. I swallowed my bite and tried an introduction, figuring it'd be better than being just some weird quiet kid that hung around at their table. "I'm John, by the way. John Egbert! I just moved here with my dad and stuff. He got transferred by work."

"Nice to meet you," the other boy said with a nod. He tried to strike up conversation with me that I did my best to respond to and when it fell flat I felt stupid and insecure all over again and I'm sure that he thought I was an idiot. I learned that his name was Dave, the other boy was Tavros, and the tall girl was Terezi. The girls around Terezi only seemed interested in talking to her and nobody else.

I wasn't quite sure what to think about Dave at first. I mean, he seemed okay, but also really apathetic. For all I knew he could be a complete jerk. I debated whether or not I should try sitting down with him and the others the next day. Before I could decide against it, Terezi walked up to me.

"So how do you like our school, John? Thoroughly freaked out yet?" She said with a grin.

"Oh, no I like it so far! I mean, I don't really know yet. But it's been okay so far." She nodded and smiled.

"Well, it's nice to meet you," she said. She was leaning against the wall the whole time. "Hey," she said. "Where are you going?"

"English." She nodded.

"Alright!" We walked a bit and I ended up knocking up against her at one point.

"Jesus, John, watch the blind girl!" Blind?

"O-oh. Um, sorry!" I said hastily. "I didn't know... oh gosh, I'm sorry!" She laughed and shook her head.

"I'm just bugging you, kid. Don't worry about it. We're pretty nice, really, me and Dave and Tavros. I mean, trust me Dave acts like an asshole. And he kinda is but he's okay. I mean, he managed to get Tavros to date him somehow." I was silent. She patted my arm. "All I'm trying to say is you'll get along fine with us, so don't worry about it if we seemed to unfriendly, alright?" I nodded, and turned to go to my class. "See you tomorrow."

"See you."

At home I thought about them while I did my homework. It was nice, I guess. Having met friendly people so fast. I hoped that I didn't bug them too much. They seemed very nice. I considered what she said about the Dave guy that I'd talked to for most of lunch. Dave acts like an asshole. And he kinda is but he's pretty okay.

And for a long time I figured she was just saying that in the sort of way that friends call their friends names, like Rose and I. But I guess there was probably a warning in that. Terezi very much meant that Dave could be an asshole.

And I didn't figure that out for a while.


End file.
